Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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