I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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