I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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