Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
