Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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