you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
