I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
