meet me or not, i'm out of control
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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