you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
