Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
