Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
