I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
