remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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