I want to walk on stilts...naked
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
