On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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