They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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