The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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