Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't deserve a penis
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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