who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
