You just made me feel so damn special
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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