I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
