Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
