Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
