i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
