Got a toothbrush?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
