I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so let's talk penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
