she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
