the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
