drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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