I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
