Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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