Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
