at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
