Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
