Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
