He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
