FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just cropdusted the office
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
