this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
