After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
