I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
