New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
