Buhtt sex?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
