Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
