Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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