My first STD was from a foam party
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
