Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
