I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
