running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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