why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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