Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
