Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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