I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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