It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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