Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
