I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
