Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
