Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize