I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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