Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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