I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You pole danced in your parka.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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