I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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