Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
