I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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