I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
