new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
