i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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