Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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