I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pants are for mortals
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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