All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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