So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
