Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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