Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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