you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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