Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
