dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
