Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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