he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
